The Glittery Chick
by Smileyfax
Summary: Daria and Jane embark on a business venture of questionable legality.


Jane evaluated Daria as the latter sat at her computer in her room, typing up yet another story. The two had only been friends for a few months now (ever since Daria had moved to Lawndale), but Jane had never bonded with anybody else the way she had bonded with Daria.

That was why Jane was reluctant to tell Daria what was bothering her.

Still, if she delayed, it might one day (soon, perhaps) be too late.

"Daria," she began hesitantly.

"Jane," Daria replied, in her standard monotone.

"I might be homeless in a few months."

Daria stopped typing immediately; then, after a single heartbeat, swiveled around on her chair. "What?"

"Well, we can't pay the mortgage on our house. Mom and Dad haven't been able to sell enough of their paintings or sculptures to pay the minimums in the past few month...Wind is too absorbed in his latest wife to care...Penny is barely surviving on her own in Venezuela...and Summer is using most of her money to track down her kids. Even if Trent and I got full-time jobs, we wouldn't be able to cover the payments." Jane didn't realize until she finished talking that tears had welled up in her eyes. "I'm so goddamn scared about what'll happen, Daria," she managed to say, and then she broke.

Daria was paralyzed for a moment at watching Jane cry, then she stiffly sat next to Jane on the bed and hugged her as well as she could. While she comforted her friend, though, her brain began calculating possible solutions to the problem. She estimated that the payments were probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a thousand dollars a month, and agreed with Jane -- two minimum-wage salaries could not pay that off, even discounting Trent's inability to keep to a schedule or Jane being too young to work full-time. She began considering how to make a large amount of money in a short amount of time...

XXXX

"Jane, how do you feel about dealing drugs?'

Daria had waited until Jane's tear-flow had mostly stopped before asking the question.

"What?" Jane asked intelligently.

"How do you feel about becoming a salesman in the growth industry of recreational chemistry?"

Jane's voice took on a hard edge. "If you're suggesting I do something that...that WRONG, then-"

Daria held up a hand, cutting Jane off. "What if I told you I knew about a drug that was completely legal and non-addictive?"

Jane crossed her arms. "I'm listening."

"Remember the camping trip we went on a few weeks ago? Where Mom and Dad and Quinn had to get their stomachs pumped?" Jane nodded. "They overdosed on what they called 'glitterberries'. I looked them up after getting back to civilization...they're not in any book -- no hiking manuals, botany guides, not even the DEA's website. This is an unknown species."

Jane nodded. "So what does this stuff do?"

"Its main effect is a sensation of euphoria -- joy. This seems to go so far as to enhance the libido." Daria shuddered at the memory of her father, clad only in boxers, grateful that she had been able to stop the situation before it had escalated.

"It also induces moderate hallucinations -- my parents talked with a 'spirit animal' while under the influence of the berries, and Quinn claimed that she had wings. And after they came down, none of them wanted to try the berries for a second time -- more due to the stigma of drug use than any feelings of a 'bad trip'."

Jane contemplated Daria for a long moment, then sighed. "You're sure they're non-addictive?"

"Ninety percent sure."

Jane tilted her head to the side. "I'd rather you were a hundred percent sure."

"Well, the only way we could be that sure is if we tested it on somebody..." Daria trailed off.

"Like Quinn?" Jane smirked for the first time since the topic had been brought up.

Daria shook her head. "If we slipped her one, she'd know what happened afterward and mom would make my life hell. And I doubt she'd do it for anything less than my permanent servitude."

"Mm, a challenge, then. I'd suggest Trent, but given his experience with...stuff, he'd probably just shrug off the effects. So would the rest of the Spiral."

Daria wrinkled her nose.

XXXX

They discussed other things for a few hours, but the topic of glitterberries still hung heavily in the air between them. Finally, after several minutes of silence, Jane spoke up. "You know that freak who shows up on Sick, Sad World all the time, Artie?"

Daria nodded.

"Well, it so happens he lives right here in Lawndale. Works as a delivery boy for Pizza King, to be exact."

Daria nodded again, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"So you're saying you'd be okay testing the glitterberries out on him?"

Jane shrugged. "They can't possibly mess him up any more than he already is. So, shall we?"

Daria nodded. "You call, I'll get the berries."

"Where are they, anyway?"

"Oh, I put them in a sandwich bag and taped them up on the back of the vegetable crisper in the refridgerator."

"Clever, Morgendorffer. Very clever."

XXXXXXXXXX

Ah, the beginning of another new Daria fic. I'd like to work on my outstanding ones (And Then Daria and Jane Kissed and The Young Switcheroo are the ones I feel most guilty about!), but when the urge to write Daria and Jane as entrepreneurial young businesswomen hits you, you just have to go with it.

I've decided to paint glitterberries as kind of a miracle drug, in that they're non-addictive and have no harmful side effects. (Sure, the Morgendorffers had to have their stomachs pumped, but that can be hand-waved by saying that it was just to bring them down off their high faster...or maybe to prevent them from metabolizing enough of the drug to overdose. In reality, I'm pretty sure any chemical which stimulates endorphin production is addictive, so this portrayal of glitterberries is most likely physiologically impossible. The main reason I've made it a consequence-free drug is that I'd feel pretty uncomfortable (much more uncomfortable than Jane's initial hostility) trying to write Daria and Jane as likable protagonists who sold a dangerous product. (Not that I have anything against writing unlikable protagonists, it's just not something I want to do with this story).

This fic was originally inspired by the AMC TV series Breaking Bad, in which a high-school chemistry teacher joins forces with a former student to sell enough methamphetamines to provide comfortably for his family after he's diagnosed with cancer. (The roles would have been played by Ms. Barch and Daria, and it would have been titled Breaking Barch). I decided to abandon this idea, as I felt I wouldn't be able to do the show any justice, particularly because I've never actually seen an episode. However, the idea of Daria pushing the berries remained...I considered having a hippie-Daria (taking after her parents in their youth) discovering the berries and dealing them on her own, but I never considered that idea too seriously. Finally, though, after a sleepless night (I've noticed most of my good ideas come to me after I've been awake for over 24 hours), I jotted down most of this chapter, satisfied that it was a good start. 


End file.
